


Welcome to the Bone Zone

by Anonymous



Category: Splatoon
Genre: F/F, bones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 22:29:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20610395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Agents 3 and 8 bone.





	Welcome to the Bone Zone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Squid Squad (TerminalMiraculosis)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerminalMiraculosis/gifts).

“Hello, Agent 3,” Eight cooed as she lounged back on the bed. Surrounding her body were rose petals and blankets because she was on a bed. Most important, she had a red ceramic plate in front of her with a pile of chicken bones atop it. “How are you today?”

“Oh,” said Three, ever eloquent. Three had just returned home and was most certainly not expecting to see a naked Eight laying in a stereotypically seductive pose on her rather small bed, never mind the bones. “Uh. Sorry, am... Am I interrupting something, or-?”

“No,” cooed Eight again, and she batted her eyelashes at Three just so, and it was in a manner that was very pretty and dainty and made Three’s already fast hearts beat a little faster. “You’re  _ never _ interrupting me, baby.”

In most circumstances, Three would have promptly died when being called a pet name. In this circumstance, Three was already in the process of dying, as she was gazing at her naked girlfriend seductively lounging on a bed with a plate of chicken bones, and so the name simply sped up the dying process. With the sudden increase in death speed, Three let out a pathetic little sputtering noise like that of a malfunctioning lawnmower than ran over something it shouldn’t.

“Won’t you join me?” Eight asked, scooting the plate of bones over and patting the spot where they were. Realistically, there was not a lot of room for Three there, as the bed barely accommodated the two of them, and there was now even less room for the two with the bone plate there, but Three was not being very realistic right now so this sounded like a splendid idea.

To tell Eight that Three thought this was a splendid idea, Three nodded very rapidly, but also somewhat shallowly, so she looked a bit like a bobblehead on a car’s dashboard when it went over a speedbump. Eight seemed to like this response, because she coyly smiled at Three and stopped lying like that, which was also good as it was really starting to hurt her shoulder. When Three took a seat, Eight stretched a bit and let out a high-pitched wailing noise that also sounded suspiciously like a demon being summoned from the seventh layer of Hell.

“I, um, you, uh... Aren’t, um, wearing clothes,” Three stated, which was true. “Um. You, uh, why?”

“You’re so silly,” Eight murmured, and when Eight said it, a surge of butterflies was unleashed in Three’s already butterfly-filled stomach. Three would later admit that yes, at that time, she did feel quite silly. “I’m seducing you!”

“Oh! Okay,” Three said, and accepted the answer. Her already hot face grew hotter when the harsh reality of Eight’s words finally set in, and then her eyes went wide and stared at Eight with a positively shocked expression. “Wait, hold on, you’re  _ what?” _

“Seducing you!” Eight repeated in a chipper tone, and Three completed the dying process as her squiddy soul went up to a squiddy heaven. Squiddy Saint Peter took pity upon her and promptly sent her back down to Earth, as her role of grumpy squid had yet to be filled.

“Why, um. Why the bones?” Three asked, pointing at the plate of chicken bones.

Eight looked at her like she was stupid. “Haven’t you ever heard of  _ bone- _ rs?” To further prove her point, she picked up a bone and made a ring with her other hand and simply inserted it. To most people, it would look juvenile. To Three, it made her die a lot faster. “I thought  _ you _ were supposed to be the culture expert here.”

“I, um. I am, I just, uh...” Three closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, sucking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. “What the  _ fuck?” _

Eight blinked slowly and rather innocently, face blank. “I don’t quite follow.”

“Are you... Is this, uh... Is this a joke?” Three’s eyes shifted from Eight to the plate of chicken bones to the chicken bone in Eight’s hand, and then back to Eight’s eyes again.

“Isn’t this how it’s done?” Eight asked, blinking again. When Three let out another sigh, Eight’s face fell further. “I don’t understand.”

“Whooo, uh... Who told you about this?” Three clarified.

“Four,” Eight stated, and Three extravagantly rolled her eyes. “She said that, um, if I didn’t make this sort of move on you anytime soon, then you’d get bored, and, um... And then you’d leave me.”

“She what?”

Noting the aggression in Three’s tone, Eight gently laid her hand atop Three’s own. “It’s, um... It’s okay, Three! It was a joke, I guess. That’s all.”

“That’s not-” Three took another deep breath. “It’s... Not really nice of her, to do that, I mean. She knows you don’t...  _ Know _ these kinds of things.”

“So, um...” With a rosy tint to her cheeks, Eight looked away. “We don’t have to do this? We don’t... Have to have sex?”

Three’s eyes briefly widened before she shook her head. “No! No, of... Of course you don’t have to, if you’re not comfortable with it. Right now, I, uh... I’m not either, so...”

A soft sigh left Eight’s lips. “Oh, thank Cod.” Pushing herself off the bed, she walked over to the dresser and began rummaging through for a shirt to wear. “Um... Do you want to watch a movie? We never finished watching Sharknado...”

“Yeah! Yeah, we can, uh... We can do that.” Pausing for a second, Three suddenly remembered something. “Hey, uh... Eight?”

“Hm?”

“Where, uh... Where’d you get all these bones from?”

“A chicken,” she answered plainly. “I put the meat in the dishwasher.”

“You  _ what.” _

“Yeah! Four said it would cook there, so...” Shifting nervously in place, Eight grimaced. “Is that not what it does?”

Another slow inhale. Another slow exhale.

“Never mind,” Three muttered lowly. Shaking her head, she forced a smile. “You wanna, uh... Go watch Sharknado now?”

Eight’s face lit up and for one small moment, Three forgot her anger. “Yes, please!”

Three laughed, finally getting off the bed herself. As she left the room, her eyes briefly flitted over to the closet door and her blaster lying against it.

She’d just have to pay Agent 4 a visit sometime, wouldn’t she?

**Author's Note:**

> i'm genuinely sorry
> 
> \-- bone anon


End file.
